“Why Can’t Anyone Just Be Cool?”

This is the query directed to my friend E by one of her guy friends who we’ll just call him “vulture.”  I’m pretty sure that when a guy asks this question, what it really means is “why won’t girls just fuck me and then go away?”  What I find really “funny” about this sort of query is that it’s always some total not-cute jackass asking who should be thrilled that anyone is even willing to sleep with them, much less want to hang around.  And no … this is not one of my dates that I’m referring to.  Even when blackout drunk, I still would not be drunk enough to have any sort of relations with this person.  Trust.  I’ve just heard some recent tales about this loser “befriending” women who are basically unconscious.  Yuck.  Let’s just say that he will not be invited to any social functions in the near future.

Good Morning-ish

I know it’s like 11:15 on the West Coast, which BARELY makes it morning but … for little vampires like myself, it still seems quite early. 

First of all, I have to apologize to my dear friend, Callie, who I inadvertently offended with a post.  I apparently said something to the effect of “if you’re my friend and I haven’t given you a nickname, then we’re not as good of friends as you think we are.”  C raised this issue this morning in a rather contentious fashion.  That fashion being her yelling “I have a bone to pick with you” in the car this morning.  I now need to think of a good nickname for C.  “C” apparently, is totally unacceptable, btw.  I have to come up with a good one so this may take some thought …

Second, I know it’s a.m. time, but, in a shocking turn of events, E and I have already discussed sex.  Today’s topic was best sex scene in a movie.  A normal movie … not like porn, Crevasse! :)  There is a scene in “The Big Easy” that kills me.  Dennis Quaid/Ellen Barkin.  Totally hot hot hot scene.  You really don’t even see anything.  It’s implied.  Which makes it that much hotter.  You do see a fair bit of young, naked DQ though, which is so not bad.  I will only watch that movie: (a) alone; or (b) with someone I’m already sleeping with.  Otherwise, way too dangerous for me.  I lose all control.  Bad things can happen.  Honorable mention is the sex scene from Reckless between Aidan Quinn and Daryl Hannah in her parents’ bedroom.  Shelden will agree on this one.  This is a much safer one for me because Reckless is not out on DVD yet.  When it does come out, I may have to lock myself away for a weekend.   

Feel free to email/post your own favorite sex scenes.  I’m always looking for new material …

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

O.K., that’s fucking it!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’ve watched these American Idol fuckers butcher a million totally classic and great songs.  It’s finally the straw that broke this camel’s back.  This David Cook jackhole is singing “Hungry Like the Wolf”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Nononononononononononononononono.  My ears are bleeding and my head is going to explode.  It’s one thing to butcher the Beatles, Neil Diamond, etc.  Once you start fucking with my childhood icons, it’s on, bitches.  Let’s just say this kid is no Simon LeBon.  Much less my beloved John Taylor.  He should not be allowed to sing this song.  I hope his tongue falls out.  How dare he.  Does he not know that I purchased every teeny bopper magazine so I could cover my walls with Duran Duran pictures???  Does he not know that the first concert I ever attended was Duran Duran during “The Seven and the Ragged Tiger” tour?????  Which I believe I still have a t-shirt from????  Horrible.  I hope my precious JT didn’t hear this.  Perhaps I should fly to him to comfort him in this time of distress. 

O.K., it’s getting worse.  Now, the one chick left is doing the worst Tina Turner impression during “Proud Mary” that I’ve ever seen.  Worst. Dancing. Ever.  Why in the hell am I ever watching this?  It’s torture.  I want to shut it off but … I can’t. I cannot turn away from the debacle. 

As a side note, if you really need a good waterproof mascara, try Dior Blackout.  Great news is, it doesn’t budge all day/night.  Bad news is, it doesn’t even budge with eye makeup remover.  I’ve been scrubbing my lashes for like 20 minutes now with no end in sight.  I still look like a drag queen/Vegas showgirl. 

Oh, what a surprise.  The stoner kid is singing “I Shot the Sheriff.”  I would never guess he would pick Bob Marley.  He’s actually pretty decent.  Hmmm … the judges hate him.  I thought he was way better than the blasphemous fake Durannie.  Damn him.  I just can’t let it go.  I know Shelden will be totally irritated, too. 

O.K., this David Archuleta kid is totally annoying to me.  I know he’s the total front-runner but, as I’ve said before, there is something very bizarre about him.  Robotic.  “Stand by Me.”  How fucking cliche do you get?  This show is really disappointing.  Plus, Paula is almost coherent tonight which is totally disappointing.  They need to let her off her leash.  I need more crazy Paula. 

Great.  Now the blasphemer is singing “Baba O’Riley.”  Another of the greatest songs of all time.  I wish Pete Townsend were in the audience.  I think he would hop on stage and punch him right in the face.  If this kid does even one windmill on his guitar, I will find him and break his arm.  This guy sucks so much ass and is such a smug little bastard.  Thinks he’s fucking Roger Daltrey.  Hate him.  Nothing but hatred.  And the judges like him.  Worst. Show. Ever. 

The chick is singing Sam Cooke.  Bad choice.  Bad bad choice.  This girl is sobbing.  I sort of feel bad for her and, at the same time, I also feel like she’s a nut.  She just said that the song, “A Change is Gonna Come” means a lot to her because it’s about the civil rights movement and she equated her AI rise to that.  Is nobody calling bullshit on this?  Is it because she’s black?  I find that statement shocking and appalling. 

Oh.  Stoner kid back with some Dylan.  In a surprise turn of events.  Can’t even remember the lyrics to Mr. Tambourine Man.  I think he’s completely baked.  He doesn’t appear to give 2 shits about the judges’ opinions and just keeps smiling in that goofy manner.  Which sort of makes me like him now.  It’s hard to hate the goofy stoner kid. 

Finally, David Archuleta doing “Love Me Tender.”  In a really gay manner.  Is there a closet big enough to contain this kid?  The Elvis version is so fucking sexy and heartfelt.  I can’t listen to this boy band crap. 

I feel disheartened, disspirited and broken.  AI, you have broken my spirit.  I think I now have to rock out to some AC/DC or something to cheer myself up. 

This and That

Listening to some new Jason Mraz I downloaded off Itunes.  It’s this acousticy EP “We Sing.”  Really really pretty.  I really like Jason Mraz.  Even though I think he sort of looks like an ex of mine who made me very very sad once upon a time.  But I won’t hold that against Jason Mraz.  I’m sure he feels very grateful for that.  I had to get “Walking in Memphis” out of my head.  My pbf (platonic boyfriend) was talking about it all day and then serenaded me with it on the way home.  Consequently, I have now had that song in my head for approximately 4 hours.   I like it but I don’t like it THAT much.  It’s starting to fade, thank God.  At least it was a good song I was stuck on, this time.  I once had “Mmm-Bop” by Hanson in my head for a whole weekend.  I imagine it felt similarly to how being possessed by Satan would feel.

Soooooooo … guess what?  More flowers today.  Not from McCrazyton, though.  Rob sent them.  How cute is that?  A dozen yellow roses.  Really pretty.  The card said “pretty flowers for a pretty girl.”  I’m glad to see that there are guys out there who know how to treat women well.  I think Rob is a really kind soul.  And kind of old-fashioned.  I think I kind of dig that.  Old-fashioned in the good way, like opening doors and sending flowers.  I don’t think he’s old-fashioned in the bad way, like he doesn’t think I should have a career and that men are smarter and more capable than women.  That would probably not sit well with me.  In any case … it’s way too early to worry about any of that anyway.  I’m just going to enjoy my pretty flowers.    And if nothing else comes of this relationship, it’s a good reminder to me and to all of YOU out there about the proper way to treat someone and, in turn, be treated. 

I feel mellow tonight.  Mellow and happy.  Unusual for me. 

Ooooh … I think I just found my favorite new song … it’s called “If It Kills Me” … it’s gorgeousity.  Love to the nth degree.  Just found the lyrics … pretty song:

Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that’s a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn’t healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Baby there’s a lot that I miss
In case I’m wrong

Chorus

If I should be so bold
I’d ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I’ve longed to be your man
But I never said I would
I guess I’m gonna miss my chance again

Chorus