I’m currently watching the finale of “American Idol.” The finale shows are always good because they actually have real musicians come in and sing so you don’t have to just watch these kids butcher songs all night. I just saw the last chick and Seal … there’s something really super sexy about that guy. He’s all scarred up but still kind of hot. Hmmm… plus, the fact that he is married to Heidi Klum speaks volumes. Good enough for Heidi, good enough for me. This Jason Castro kid looks more stoned than ever. He probably gets really primo weed now that he’s semi-famous.
E came over today and helped me through my hangover/trip to the pit of despair. E was also in the pit of despair. I knocked back some food which was helpful. I’m actually surprised that I didn’t run into my arch-nemesis, David Spade, since I was all hung over and bummed out. I’ve had about 3 gallons of water, today. Also helpful. I fear that all of my bad habits are rubbing off on E. We watched a “Top Chef” marathon as well as an episode of “Step Up on Dance.” She was so hooked that she didn’t get out to move her car in time and got towed. I feel very responsible. I did give her the reality show crack. Once you’ve had your first hit, it’s hard to turn away and go back to your normal life again.
Wow… Donna Summer has a new album? How utterly irrelevant. She looks way haggard. And it appears that she’s wearing a really crappy, ill-fitting wig. Hmmm… I think the hair people on this show may be blind. She is wearing cool, gianty, diamond hoop earrings. I love hoop earrings. I always manage to lose at least one everytime I go out though. Now I just have a collection of earrings missing their mates. Diamond ones would probably not be the safest bet for me to wear. Ooooh … Last Dance… I love this song “cause when I’m bad, I’m so so baaaad.” Paula is singing along and moving and grooving. I have to say … Paula looks really good considering she’s an insane drug addict. Loony McLoonerson for sure.
I think E, A and I are going to see the new Indiana Jones movie tomorrow. I’m stoked. Although that Shia LeBouef (sp?) is really super annoying. He seems like a smug, little bastard. Someone needs to kick that kid’s ass.
I find it incredibly disturbing that Ryan Seacrest keeps talking about Simon’s nipples. Last night, we found out that A is a HUGE Seacrest fan. In fact, I believe that, at one point, she stated that she would walk out if we said one more negative thing about Gaycrest. Hahahahaha. Which, of course, made E and I want to taunt her all night with her Gaycrest love.
O.K., now all the guys are singing “Summer of ‘69.” If Bryan Adams walks out and starts singing, I may pass out. Nope … instead these two horrible finalists are torturing my eardrums with a hellacious rendition of “Heaven.” Which, btw, is the first song I ever made out to. “Baby you’re all that I want, when I’m lying here in your arms … finding it hard to believe, we’re in heaven.” OH SHIT … BRYAN ADAMS IS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow … he has really bad skin. I remember thinking he was hot sometime around 1984ish. WTF happened? And what kind of crappy new song is this?????????? Where’s the “One Night Love Affair”?? He does have a super cool voice though … all scratchy. That’s sexy. OH … “Somebody” … dude, that song rocks. “I need somebody, somebody like YOU.” O.K., so far this show has had Bryan Adams, Donna Summer and Seal. That’s hardly an All-Star cast. It would have been in 1985 but not so much today. Actually, for Seal, more like 1995. Whatev. Aren’t they going to have a real star on???
Christ on a cross … ZZ Top with David Cook????????????????????? On American Idol???? Oh, ZZ … how far you have fallen. I thought you guys were cool. That just killed their street cred for me. Even though they’re like 80 and still have those fucked-up beards. Still. American Idol???????? Really?????? It just seems wrong on so many different levels. I DESPISE this David Cook character. He’s trying to be all “cool rock star.” The ZZ Top guys actually look like they’re in pain. I can’t blame them. Maybe they really need the money? I mean, are they promoting something? Random. Who’s next? Blue Oyster Cult with David Archuleta singing “Don’t Fear the Reaper”? (I think that BOC …)
Oh … here’s another completely irrelevant musician … the least known guy from Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Graham Nash. Whatever. Crosby’s dead, so they couldn’t get him. And now way in HELL is Neil Young EVER doing American Idol. If he does, I will be forced to commit hari-kari. Crap … I hate this song, too. “Teach Your Children.” Total hippie bullshit. Oh gross … they’re showing some totally cheesy video of kids dancing around while singing this song. So awful. Why am I torturing myself with this bullshit??????????? I can’t turn away … just can’t. I want to but … don’t … have … the … strength. The AI juggernaut is just too powerful.
Jonas Brothers. I’m actually excited about this. I know that every 13 year old girl is going crazy for this band so I’ve been curious about them. Wow … they’re young. Like really young. Like young teens. Ewww … they’re doing all these “sexy” moves. I feel like I’m watching kiddie porn. This may be a good time to get some more water. I feel very disturbed.
Great… Gaycrest is patronizing some poor old woman now. I think I’m going to be a really crabby old woman. If someone tries to talk down to me, I’m going to beat them with my cane. That’s bullshit.
O.K., this post is endless. I’m posting this … there could be an AI, part two post coming …
