Chelsea Handler

My new favorite person, ever.  I’m convinced we were separated at birth and she’s really my twin.  Cute, blonde, funny, Jewish … we MUST be related.  I read her book “A Horizontal Life” a while ago and totally loved it.  Basically a memoir of her sex life.  Hilarious.  For some reason, I never watch her E show, “Chelsea Lately.”  I was a bit bummed today after B left so I watched a bunch of episodes tonight.  She is sooooooooo f’ing funny.  SO FUNNY.  Swears like a sailor, talks about drinking and sleeping around, catty: we would so be friends.  Anyway, I love her show soooo much that I had to rush to Border’s tonight and buy her new collection of essays:  “Are You There, Vodka?  It’s Me, Chelsea.”  I just finished watching this HBO movie about the 2000 election, “Recount”, which is FAB and fascinating, btw … HIGHLY recommend, and now I’m going to start on the Chelsea book.  I have a feeling that I’m going to be up all night reading this … so worth it.  I’ll give y’all a book report tomorrow. 

Wow. Wowwowwowwowwow.

Having a very very odd weekend.  Wondering if there’s some sort of full moon tonight or something.  Today, I heard from an ex.  Which isn’t that odd, actually, but this is possibly the only ex that ever broke up with me.  Actually, that’s not true … I did break up with him but I sort of had to.  His behavior was so shitty that I really had no choice.  In any case, he remains the only guy I think I was ever truly head over heels for.  He’s now married.  To a girl who sort of looks like me.  Weird.  Anyway, he discovered my email address which led to a phone call.  So … he wanted to talk about our break-up which was many many years ago.  He apologized for his behavior and told me that he really did love me and fucked things up due to his own issues.  And still thinks about me.  And wonders what might have been.  I feel like I have been WAITING to hear this for a long, long time.  Funny enough, during the conversation, I felt … nothing.  Indifferent.  I wasn’t sad, happy, relieved, frustrated … none of that.  I just don’t really care anymore.  Which feels amazing.  No power over me.  I’m really over it.  Wow.  What an amazing feeling.  Actually, I do feel a slight twinge of vindication, to tell the truth.  So, because I’m me, I’d like to dedicate these song lyrics from Ms. Britney Jean Spears to my ex …   I’m forgiving but not forgetting.  I have a very LONG memory and I’m no saint …

She’ll Never Be Me

Boy, what’s this I see,
Your girl-she looks just like me,
Blonde hair and dressed to a T,
You tell me how can this be,
Does she know I was the one,
Who used to turn you on,
But you don’t want to talk about it

Well you think you can find
Someone to fill my shoes
And you ask yourself why
She don’t do the things I do
And you can’t deny
That everywhere you go
You see my face, hear my name
And it eats you up inside

[Chorus]
You know I’m one of a kind
There’ll never be another me
Can’t get me out of your mind
You’re lost in your own fantasy
And when you look in my eyes
Is it hard for you to realize
She’ll never be me

Why can’t you see it, girl
Got no identity
Whenever he’s touching you
He’s really thinking of me

She’ll never be me