“In 2009, let the parade of good fortune trample us into pancakes!”-Betsy D.

My friend, Betsy, just sent me the above quote in an email and I liked it so much I thought I’d include it on the blog.  May all my readers be completely flattened by good fortune this coming year!

Kismet

As I was typing my last response, the “Pina Colada” song came on again … hahahahahaha … I’m being haunted by Prosh “Do It” Acapetti and his yellow terrycloth short-shorts.

I’ve Decided This is My Theme Song …

Mary Chapin Carpenter … I just love this song.  It’s really optimistic and I feel like it’s a good description for how I’ve chosen to live my life.  Not always “safe” but I’ve also had some pretty great adventures …

I Take My  Chances

I took a walk in the rain one day on the wrong side of the tracks
I stood on the rails till I saw that train
Just to see how my heart would react
Now some people say that you shouldn’t tempt fate
And for them I would not disagree
But I never learned nothing from playing it safe
I say fate should not tempt me

I take my chances, I don’t mind working without a net
I take my chances, I take my chances every chance I get

I sat alone in the dark one night, tuning in by remote
I found a preacher who spoke of the light but there was brimstone in his throat
He’d show me the way according to him in return for my personal check
I flipped my channel back to CNN and I lit another cigarette

I take my chances, forgiveness doesn’t come with a debt
I take my chances, I take my chances every chance I get

I’ve crossed lines of words and wire and both have cut me deep
I’ve been frozen out and I’ve been on fire and the tears are mine to weep
Now I can cry until I laugh and laugh until I cry
So cut the deck right in half, I’ll play from either side

I take my chances, I pay my dollar and I place my bet
I take my chances, I take my chances every chance I get
I take my chances, I don’t cling to remorse or regret
I take my chances, I take my chances every chance I get
I take my chances

I take my chances

Yes, It’s Another Post Based on a Song

But it’s a great song and a pretty good story … “Pina Colada Song.”  Has to be one of the greatest one-hit wonder songs of all time. 

O.K., so back in college, I had this friend, Carrie.  Carrie and I wound up hooking up with these two guys one night from an a cappella singing group from Yale.  Yes, that’s right, a cappella singing group.  Very hard to explain to people who didn’t go to school on the East Coast, but it’s like a super popular thing back there.  Even weirder, any guy singing group who came to our campus were treated like rock stars rather than as gay barber shop quartet wannabees.  I really can’t explain it.  I think this is what happens when you attend a women’s college and you’re straight. 

Anyway, I resisted the lure of the gay singers for a long time … until my senior year.  I met this guy, Devon, who, btw, during the course of the evening confessed that he had thought he might be bisexual (again … this is what happens when you attend a women’s college … you take what you can get), and was signing with, I believe, the Yale Alleycats.  Or the Yale Whiffenpoofs.  Something like that.  So embarassing.  My friend, Carrie, was hooking up with his friend, “Prosh”, some skinny Indian kid who I think was a Freshman.  Carrie had way deeper psychological problems than I did, clearly. 

So, the 4 of us are in my room listening to music and this song comes on.  We’re all drinking, talking, flirting, etc.  Prosh gets very upset that we’re not listening to the song and keeps insisting on restarting the song so we can listen carefully … “C’mon guys … it’s a story … you have to really pay attention.”  The fact that this guy was spending more time insisting that we listen to the words of the “Pina Colada Song” rather than trying to hook up with my friend should have also had us seriously questioning his sexuality.  Everytime I hear this song, I think of that night. 

Oddly enough, I have a second story also relating to this song.  Sooo, eventually, I took Prosh’s advice and did listen to the lyrics.  Such a 1970s song.  If you’ve never really listened to the lyrics (shame on you, as Prosh would say), the song is basically about this dude who has a gf but is bored so he places this really lame, 70sish personal ad.  Which is answered by his gf.  Or maybe she places the ad.  In any case, they meet up at this bar, realize that it’s each other and have a good laugh.  Which would only happen in the 70s when apparently everyone was high on ludes and were swingers.  And men didn’t think it was totally gay to admit liking drinking fruity blended drinks.  Anyway, Callie and I were driving once and listening to this song.  I was saying how disappointed I would be if I walked into the bar and saw this same jerkoff that I was trying to get away from.  There’s this lyric “it was my own lovely lady … and she said, boy, it’s you … then we laughed for a moment and I said, ‘I never knew’…”  As I told Callie, what she was really thinking was “oh … great … it’s you.  Whoop-de-fucking-do.”  So … we always have a good laugh about that song.  Rupert Holmes has really provided me with a lot of good times over the years.  I should thank him.

“She’s a Good Girl, Loves Her Mama …”-Tom Petty

Free Fallin’ just came on the Pod.  This song always reminds me of that scene in Jerry Maguire, one of the best movies of all time, where Tom Cruise is driving along in his rental car, pounding the wheel and singing along to this song after he locks up “Kush” the #1 pick in the draft.  Or, at least, thinks he does.  I’ve had many “Kush” moments like this as an agent … driving in my rented Taurus or similiar type vehicle, cruising down the highway in Mobile, Alabama or Waco, Texas after a really great presentation to a kid and his family and just screaming my lungs out.  This song reminds me of what I love about being an agent. 

Aaaaah … another great song following “Santa Monica” by Everclear.  This is the great thing about these boring document review projects … I get to listen to a lot of my music.  “I just wanna see some paaaaaaalm trees … I just wanna shake away this disease.”  This is one of those songs that totally reminds me of a specific time and place in my life.  This song came out in the Fall/Winter of 1995.  I had just had this amazing summer in L.A. working for the ACLU, hanging out with super cool people, spending every weekend at the beach, and then I was back in D.C. for my last year of law school.  It was January, there was a blizzard, and I was hiking to Safeway in knee-high snow banks listening to this song on my Walkman and desperately wishing I was back in California.  “We can live beside the ocean …”

Time Warner Cable Can Suck My Ass …

E doesn’t know it yet but I just made an executive decision to switch to DirectTV.  Which I should have done a million years ago.  Bad enough that: (a) no NFL Network on Time Warner and (b) no possibility of buying football package so I can watch my Bears weekly.  NOW, I find out that the brand new MLB network which I would probably watch 24/7 … not offered on Time Warner.  Fuckers.  Combined with the fact that we’ve had TW out to our place no less than 6 times to repair our cable since we moved in June … fuck them.  I hate them.  Not only am I dropping their ass, but I’m writing a very strongly-worded “angry business” letter alerting them to their failings.  I really have just become a total and complete curmudgeon, have I not?  I am so going to be the old woman sitting on my porch yelling “hey kids, get off my lawn.”  What happened to me?  I thought people were supposed to mellow with age?  I feel angrier than ever.  I think I’m going to bring this up this evening with Dr. Sue Harris and get her opinion.  On a sidenote, I totally love love love my therapist, as I have discussed previously.  My only issue now is that I feel like she loves me so much as well that I worry she’s not pointing out my flaws and faults enough.  I think I’m going to bring that up tonight, too.  But in a nice voice … not the “angry business” voice.  That’s a whole different kettle of fish.

Suddenly Feeling Much Better …

Yes, it’s the 7 Faces of Lisa coming at you once more … right after I finished that post, one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time came on and I couldn’t help but feel fantastic … “Ceremony” by New Order.  Actually a very depressing song.  Those of you who aren’t fanatics of mopey 80s Brit-pop may not know that New Order was originally a band called Joy Division.  Much darker, moodier band than N.O.  Anyway, on the eve of this big U.S. tour that was going to make them superfamous, the lead singer of Joy Division, Ian Curtis, kills himself.  Hanged himself.  His wife had just left him and he was epileptic.  Not a real happy guy.  Allegedly, “Ceremony” is the last song he ever wrote.  His bandmates reformed as New Order and this was the first single they recorded.  Just an absolutely beautiful song … “Oh, I’ll break them down, no mercy shown, heaven knows it’s got to be this time.”

Aaaaah … I love my Ipod.  Followed by “Somebody’s Baby.”  How can you not love this song?  How can you not hear this song and think of “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”?  $100 to the first person who can tell me the scene this plays in during Fast Times?  And no cheating!!!!!  You have to actually recall from the movie.  Fucking great movie.  Hmmm … maybe I’ll sit home on NYE with booze and watch all my 80s movies … that really doesn’t sound like a half-bad idea to me …

How Was My Weekend? Well, It Sucked Ass, Thanks for Asking.

I hate the holidays.  I’ve always hated this time of the year.  Ever since my parents kidnapped us and forced us to the desert, this time of the year has sucked hard.  Back in the day, you did not want to be the Jewish kid in Arizona, trust me.  When we first moved, I think I was one of like 3 kids in the entire SCHOOL.  Not class, school.  Now there are tons of Jews in Scottsdale but, at the time, there were none.  Leading to many many tense conversations with classmates about why I didn’t love Jesus and what Hannukkah was all about, etc., etc.  And, as I’ve discussed, Hannukkah is really a crappy holiday, anyway.  This stretching out presents over 8 days deal never is as cool as it seems like it’s going to be.  You get one good present and then its like 7 days of paper dolls and comic books.  Anyway, because of this, I’ve always thought this time of year is sort of depressing.  Plus, there’s all that forced bonhomie and family love and togetherness that the media forces down your throat when, let’s face it, most families are at least 50% dysfunctional (and those are the good ones) and everyone is all crabby from dealing with shopping, crowds, etc. so no one is really in a good mood.  At least in my family.  Our family dinners during holidays usually end with bitter recriminations, tears and at least one family  member storming out.  Perhaps your family is different.  If so, good for you. 

Anyway, I did manage to successfully avoid my parents, which was a real victory as far as I’m concerned.  However, I did manage to: (a) get super sick and spend Friday-Sunday in bed coughing and wheezing, (b) somehow lose my debit card, and (c) watch the Bears destroy their playoff hopes.  All in all, a really shitty weekend.  I’ve decided that on the whole, this year has really kind of sucked ass.  I’m eagerly anticipating 2009.  I am NOT eagerly anticipating New Year’s Eve, otherwise known as Amateur’s Night.  No matter what you do on NYE, there’s always this feeling that you should have done MORE … like had the best. night. ever.  I think I’m going to wake up on January 1, 2009 with a huge, shit-eating grin on my face at having successfully survived the holidays for yet another year.

Tool Academy

This was sent to me by my friend, Bets … fucking AWESOME!  I can’t believe this is a real show on VH-1.  More to the point, I can’t believe that I’m not allowed to participate in some way.  I think this is going to be a good one:

http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/tool_academy/series_about.jhtml

Thanks for cheering me up today, Bets!  You rock!  As Bets pointed out, I believe that several of the guys we dated back in the day could be contestants on this show.  Shit … Smithies, help me out here.  What was the name of the guy with whom I had this exchange:

Me:  “We are not having sex tonight.”

Unknown Tool:  “How about tomorrow night?”

Was it Sean something???  QB for Amherst football team … what the fuck was that guy’s name?

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

I am totally the Grinch this year.  Such a bad, fucking mood today.  I really woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I’m downright surly.  I suppose it’s a good thing the office closes early today.  I just went down to Starbucks thinking that perhaps caffeine was the answer to my prayers.  On the way to the escalator, there was this old man with a cane walking in front of me and annoying the fuck out of me.  I realize that I’m being a total fucking bitch because I’m irritated that this guy is taking up the whole path and walking one step per hour.  I try to go around him and he suddenly becomes all sprightly, speeds up and race-walks me to the escalator.  I’m not kidding.  I think the cane is a total act.  He almost beat me.  But I did win.  Which made me feel good.  Yes, that’s right.  I’m gloating because I beat a feeble, old man in a foot race.  Like I said, Grinchy McGrincherson.  I just hate this time of year.  Too much pressure for a curmudgeon like me.